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  • Beth Matthews

Dear... | What I wish I could say (Part Three)

Updated: Jan 6

And we're back! Carrying on with 'What I wish I could say' Part Three, addressed to my best friend...


Just a quick note from me - these letters are part of a series and they are deeply personal. I would like to explain that these letters were written in the height of the UK lockdown and I was in a phase of manic depression suffering with insomnia so these letters are quite erratic. However, I thought they were important to share as whilst they were written in a dark period, they are also honest and I wanted to share my truth. So, read at your own discretion!


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Dear Bestfriend,


I've got friends that will run through walls, I've got friends that will fly once called, When I've nowhere left to go, And I need my heroes, I've got friends that will run through walls - The Script, Run Through Walls


What do you say to your best friend when you see them?


Personally I say either 'Queeeeeeen' or 'Giiiiiiiirl'. Neither are to do with identifications of gender, for me, both words are symbolism for strength as my friends are my strength.


I could not love my friends more if I tried.


I only keep people around me that feel spiritually good (CRAZY!), you know that really calm feeling you get when watching the sunrise? That’s the feeling I get with the people I choose to have in my life. But, ultimately, it's really hard to feel good and confident around people when you're surviving with Fibro (And yes, I say surviving, because sometimes that's all you can do).


I'm not speaking for a whole community and I'm not speaking for everyone with Fibro (bare this in mind please). But, I am speaking for myself and friends who I know feel this way. It's very hard to become comfortable around people who don't have Fibromyalgia + mental health conditions because no one will ever understand your battle. It's different for everyone. That is the cold, harsh truth of Fibro. You will never feel more alone because this illness is bullshit.


But every once in a while; someone will come along. And my God will they set your gut on fire - mostly from laughing too hard because they take the piss out of your condition. They're so painfully funny, they are so compassionate, they're so... Just INCREDIBLE. And then all of a sudden... You can't remember life without them?!


Like how on Earth did you get by before them?


There are no words to describe my best friends (I'm sure words exist - but Fibro fog innit).


All I can say is: I love you. Thank you. I don't know what I did to deserve you. Stay with me.


Faithfully Yours,


Me. X


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